10.19: Still R.A.N.T.

Could you take my picture?  Cause I won't remember...
<>ALL THE GIRLIES SAY IT'S PRETTY FLY FOR A BIG @$$ PREVIEW<>
That's E-L-W-Y-N and other News Horrors/What Is Hip?/N con PM/Butch on How Life Is/It Doesn't 
Matter What Your Opinion Is! (wrestlesection)/WrapCity/Moment de Silencio<>
<>The Big @$$ Preview is brought to ya bah the werewolf-looking guy just to my left, drooling at pictures 
of Alyssa Milano.  Yes, I'm a cruel, cold-hearted bastardo...you wanna make somethin' of it?!<>

Damn, it's me, it's me, it's that P-L-A-G-U-E!  Sledgehammer wielding World Champ Triple H and 
salutations to everyone!  Well, this week and last have been, leave no diggity gwen stefani no doubt about 
it, the most hectic of the semester so far.  Let me hip you cats to the jive.  Life is funny, sometimes.  One 
minute you're dishing out papers to hot girls, and the next you're scared for your own damn life.  Back in 
1986, some crazy black guy named Norman Burkett from Wonder Bread + milk white Ramer, TN met one 
of our profs, Elwyn Wong in some DMV.  The next year, he's informed our old Prez that Wong is in fact, 
the devil and Anti-Christ.  Phone calls are made, the FBI layeth the smacketh down, and things chill 
out...for a while.  In July, your friend and mind Normy Norm and the Schizo Bunch starts his stuff up 
again.  To Cliff's Notes it, the cops snatch Norm last Monday at the Chevron not a stone's throw from 
SuckWC.  He was smoking (at a gas station, I believe the boy's a few aisles short of a supermarket), 
dressed in hot camos (it's been pretty damn humid recently, the locals will back me up).  He said he only 
wanted Wong, and yet he had about 400 bullets, 300 of which were armor-piercing, and a multitude of 
guns.   Can you say West Columbine, boys and girls?  Anywhoozle, all of us on the paper staff have been 
throwing ourselves heels over head into this, and we should have a papel out which I'll attempt to mail to 
the non-locals.  Thank God for the cheerleading story I volunteered for.  ;)  So, you go in, expecting to 
drool all over yourself, but while you do all of that, you find a story.  It turns out the cheer squad here is 
severly lacking in the bling bling dept. and nearly got shut down last semester!  I've never heard of such!  
Trust me, the admin is gonna have me on them like ugly on Linda Tripp.  A college without cheerleaders is 
like riding with Dustin and being able to hear.  In other paper news, my anti-organized religion has angered 
Mormons, and a crazy girl thinks I'm talking to her.  I bet she'll shoot me just to impress James Van Der 
Beek.  Also, van broke down on way to Norman's arraignment, Chargers continue to be San Dieg and 
shock the world, I've got two midterms this week, and of course, tonight's a sad night, which I'll get into 
later.  But what can you say when I AM VIDA LOCA, BABY!

As far as the Rants go, at first this angered me, but now it seems pretty rockin'.  I pose the question to those 
I care about: should I make this a bi-monthly thing?  I get better responses, and conversely, it makes for 
better rants.  I'm a man of the people.  Now then, on to the carnage.  These people have gone AWOL or 
MIA or OPP or just good ol' NM: Annie, Carly, Erin Marie, Kenny, Mike, Amanda D., Jason, Caroline, 
and Ulrike.  Everyone else, it's the PM's of the Rant (hockey horn)!:

AMANDA: You need an agent?  Now I know why people pay the big presidentes muertes for a UC---it's 
the Hollywood, stupid!  How bout them Golden Bears?  Tell Freddie I said high, and DON'T DO DRUGS!  
Drugs are bad, m'kay?  And I will mail you a paper right after this next one comes on down the pipe.
DIANE: Did Dave give you my new article w/me as Buddha?  I hope to see it @ Diane-Net soon.  Make 
sure to post my Rants as well.  I will try and give Dave the Radiohead documentary poster I promised so 
long ago, I honestly thought I'd see you before this lenghty amount of time had passed.  Went to the 
football game Fri and felt like I was 89.  Dustin is going to the part of hell where the lawyers are.  Two 
words: Roman Polanski.  Keep on rockin', loud, fast, and free.
DUSTIN: See above.  Really now, I haven't gotten a chance to resume page work, but I think after this 
Fryday the shiznit should settle down.  What can you tell me about UCSD?  It's one of the Final 4 in the 
Butch Runs From Home Invitational, and I figure I should try to milk an accurate source.  And update 
YOUR page, ya boob!
IVAN: Is this sounding enough like me, Gaucho man?  Have you gotten any chicks yet?  Chicks dig the 
beatles cut.  Try and send some pics of the cheerleaders I hung with.  Oh, the things I do for Journalism.
ERIN: Hiya!  Is Big Sis still coming to town?  Maybe we can go TP some people's houses this year and 
stay in arrested development.
EVAN: Hey, Jim Carrey!  You any closer to leaving this hellhole?
JO: Aloha.  Yes, I guess you could say we were at the right place at the Wong time.  But, the CVPD got 
him, so everybody have fun tonight, everybody Wong Chung tonight.  Well, I'm going to Hell, but I think 
I'll get the nice part where the screams are muted and there's central heating and I'm all right.
SAMMY: Wrestlesection.  Now.
SANDRA: I miss you.  You have to fight Amanda when you guys are both back in town to defend that 
Bruin honor!  How's things going at UCLA?  Did Dustin's made-in-Costa-Rica computer flake on you yet?

Damn, my hands is cramping, but I will get by.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR OPINION IS!
Finally, the Plague has COME BACK TO YOUR INBOX!  Well, first off, a huge shout out to the Old 
Brood and New Brood, who apparently had the Match of The Decade Sunday.  Young dudes flying is cool.  
A second one goes out to Mankind, Mick Foley, for his book coming out on Wednesday-an autobio that he 
wrote himself!  Everyone says it rocks the party, so go to www.micktoberfest.com to read some whomp-ass 
excerpts.  Now, I review the feds:
WCW: Well, all the long time fans are ticked at the new guys, cause they've turned it into Short Attention 
Span Theater.  Meh.  Filthy Animals heel turn is good, cause Eddie looked out of place as a face anyway.  
And if Torrie Wilson is evil, it's something I can get behind.  Now you know why Nitro and Raw have the 
logos-so you can tell them apart.  No Hogan, always good.  Hopefully the Outsiders go back to domination 
in the near future.
WWF: Jericho as I-C Champ?  Mankind finally having the won tons to tell Rock to stick it?  Can it be 
coming true?  I think they're setting up Foley's heel turn, as well as Austin's.  And if they're as worried as 
they seemed to be about getting La Program Grande Alto over, have him win the Hardcore Title Th. and 
make everyone his woman until he's the longest reigning singles champ. UT comes back, costs him the 
strap, and BAM!  High-level fued.  Damn I'm good.  Miss Kitty's with Chyna?  Uh, O.K.  Another ? while 
I'm at it: Chyna by herself, face.  Chyna w/HHH, heel.  JDLR (just doesn't look right, I forget not everyone 
has had the joy that is Don Rey).
ECW: Impact Players should win the straps since they're non-injured and can actually go.  I have nothing 
more to say about this that's relevant or true until I see a card for N2R.

Getting into the homestretch, go see "Three Kings" if you haven't already.  GKMF: Norman Burkett, for 
putting my life up in a heaval.  I'll....see you....IN HELL!  Song: Foo Fighters- "Learn To Fly" and Filter- 
"Take A Picture".  And now, tonight is a sad night for me.  No, not cause I have a midterm tomorrow that 
I'm probably not gonna study for, but it's that night.  My woman, future cover girl of the next Maxim, 
leaves Party of Five.  Tears are welling up already.  You know, you grow up with a person, and you're with 
them, watching them grow, all throught the car accidents and jerks, and then they just leave.   --->pause for 
crying<---  I'm better now.  At least she's getting her own show on Monday nights the hour before RAW, so 
not only will I not see Nitro for about 2 months, I can never do anything on Monday nights again.   I think 
this is the appropriate part to bow our heads.  ..........Thank you.  And now...


I'm outta here like I stole somethin'.
And, boys and girls, you may agree with some of the things 
I've said, and some things may not apply to you.  But no
matter what your opinion is, you must remember this one 
thing: there's a little bit of the Blue Blazer in all of us.
WHOO!